Monday, June 05, 2006

incoherent am I

I should be happy right now. It’s the eve of my new job and all systems are go. But you know me; I’m just really out of it right now.

I’ve been out of it for the past several days in fact. It just seems like my life has gotten really, really boring and sad. I guess I’m just nuts or something.

In some ways, I guess I’m tired. It’s been nearly two years since things went sour at LMW and every day since then has been a fight for relevance in a world of indifference.

I discovered that no matter how much experience and education you have, it doesn’t really matter much when you’re job hunting. I had so many doors slammed in my face trying to get out of that hellhole and some of the people didn’t have the decency to be kind to my face.

You see what passes for new hires in some places and you wonder: what the hell do these idiots have that I don’t have. It didn’t seem that bad at first when I was going for high-end type positions, but when Dunkin’ Donuts and 7-Eleven start turning you down, it’s pretty sad.

I know, I know, I need to let all this go because now I have a decent job again, but it still makes me a little upset, and I’ve been thinking about stuff like that along with the other stuff that puts me in a funk.

I think I’m still a little (OK, a lot) shell-shocked from Allen’s reign of terror. He’s in Florida now, but I still get this creepy feeling like he’s watching me and trying to get into my head. When I couldn’t get him out of my room, it broke something inside me. I just don’t feel that connected to here right now after that.

I hear from a few people regularly, but a lot of my friends are very busy with their own lives. Unfortunately, some of those friends are the ones that actually listened when I talked about stuff. I get the feeling with some of my more frequent friends that nobody really hears what I’m saying.

Like I said, I guess I’m just going through one of my crazy periods or something. Typing out how I feel makes me feel better, even though when I read it, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

I think I may take another trip to New York later this month to clear my head, or at least give myself something to look forward to.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me.

6 comments:

  1. I sorta know how you feel. About 5 years ago when I was about to graduate 5th grade, I was going to have to leave school. I didn't want to go to a public so I started looking at private schools. I was very close to going to New Garden Friends School. However, I was turned down. But it was sort of a blessing in disguise because I was able to find Pendle Hill. So remember one thing. If your telephone dies, stroll over to the one in the other room. I think you get my point. Good luck with your new job!

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  2. Yeah, I do. Thanks for helping put things in perspective.

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  3. Life has been feeling a little depressing and purposeless here lately too. It's just a phase.. which will blow over quickly and we'll all be ourselves again.

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  4. Hopefully so. That sucks that you're in a funk too.

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  5. Well hopefully, it will get better, and dont worry, even though I dont post on my own blog, im an everyday reader of yours, so in that sense, im always listening. Good luck on the new job, dont fall for any thing that may bring your day down. Have a good night
    -Weill-

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  6. Thanks for your kind words, Weill. I am feeling a little better because my first day of work went fairly well. If I don't fall asleep while trying to write about it, you'll get to read it sometime tonight or tomorrow.

    It's like I've been saying: when I start to fall, my wonderful friends are there to help me back up. Thanks again.

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