backhanded record review

I read this in the Washington Post and thought, "Why is this guy reviewing an Alan Parsons album?" Why review something that you're not going to look at objectively? I'm no Parsons fan but geez... Please read below.

A VALID PATH Alan Parsons

Ever wonder what the hobbit DJs would spin if you went clubbing in downtown Middle-Earth? How lucky, then, that veteran art-rock keyboardist Alan Parsons has concocted this freaky, geeky foray into Goth atmospherics and techno beats.

Parsons knows his way around a set of headphones. A 10-time Grammy nominee and respected engineer, he twiddled knobs on Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" (1973) before landing audiophile-pleasing hits of his own, such as 1982's "Eye in the Sky," in his Alan Parsons Project.

Still, 55-year-olds typically aren't sought-after electronica musicians. So between flourishes from contemporary guests such as Uberzone and the Crystal Method, Parsons wisely reconnects with his past by updating old Project standards: "Mammagamma '04" and "A Recurring Dream Within a Dream," which seems to be sung by robots.

Aside from sheer nerdiness, consistency is a problem. Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour opens the album by lending a cool hand to the trippy, nine-minute instrumental "Return to Tunguska." But Parsons follows with pure pop sap -- "More Lost Without You," on which vocalist P.J. Olsson stakes his claim to be the new singer for Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" campaign.

By the time we reach the chanting, apparently by robe-wearing monk dudes, on the final epic, "Chomolungma," it's tough not to laugh. Imagine Bilbo Baggins rave-dancing at a "Dungeons & Dragons" house party . . . at least until a large dog starts barking at the end of the CD. That's when any smart hobbit would run -- which is what all but Parsons die-hards should probably do.
-- Michael Deeds