If Connie Mack didn't have to wear a uni, why does Felipe Alou? (San Fransisco Chronicle File Photo)
The NFL is no better. Tom Landry used to wear a suit and a fedora, but coaches now are supposed to sport a sneaker supplier's name or the team logo on his game clothing. (Associated Press file photo, 1984, by Ron Heflin)
The rule of uniformed managers is wearing thin
John Crumpacker, SFGate.com
Another baseball season is upon us, and that can only mean one thing:
The sight of middle-aged men wearing uniforms for games in which one thing is certain:
They won't be playing.
If you continue this line of thought in a linear direction, you are left with only one conclusion:
Then why are they wearing uniforms?
Answer:
It's baseball, that's why.
Silly me.
It's tradition.
Of course.
Now tell that to the sartorial ghost of Connie Mack and all the other old- time managers who dressed like men when they managed their boys.
As a deeply committed non-baseball person, I've never understood why managers have to wear uniforms like their players. What, Jack McKeon might be called on as a pinch runner some time?
Why can't men 10, 15, 20, 30 years into their retirement as players wear a comfortable pair of slacks and a polo shirt with team logo when they manage a game? Somebody, please tell me in a way that makes sense.
Some years ago, I was assigned to interview Dusty Baker for a big-picture story on coaching in the '90s (the 1990s, smart guy). I went to Candlestick Park to meet Baker.
I sat transfixed as he rolled on layers and layers of socks. It was a hose overdose. Mountain climbers readying for K2 don't wear as many socks as this man did, but the only thing he climbed all day was the dugout steps.
People in the baseball-know later told me, patronizingly, that two of the 12 pairs of socks Baker put on his feet that day were stirrups (though not a horse was in sight) and sanitary hose.
Sanitary hose, now there's a concept. Just the thing for stashing salami or stanching a sucking chest wound, I guess.
Baseball is not alone in harboring haberdashery horror among coaches, however. It's just the most obvious offender.
Football coaches used to wear regular-guy clothes on the sidelines before leagues became little more than marketing tools and turned them into logo saps.
Remember Tom Landry, natty in his suit and trademark hat?
Uh, Tom, about the hat. It's got to go. It doesn't have our sneaker supplier's name or our team logo on it. Here, take this visor for a spin.
Remember Vince Lombardi, bundled up against the Green Bay winter in a classy camelhair overcoat and hats that ranged from Russian-style to fedora?
Mr. Lombardi, sir, wouldn't you be more comfortable in this puffy Gore- tex parka in official Packers colors?
Remember Bum Phillips, bless him, in his pointy-toed boots, snap-button shirts and cowboy hat? No, no and no. If he were a younger man and still coaching today, the NFL's Style Sycophants would force him to wear sneakers, khakis and a garish logo shirt no grown man would ever pay money for.
Bum Phillips, in sneakers? That's rich.
Of today's NFL coaches, only Bill Belichick gets it right. Forced to wear official team sideline crap, he puts on baggy sweatshirts, cuts off the sleeves to a three-quarters length and looks for all the world like a guy ready to rake leaves in the back yard.
Basketball coaches occupy the other extreme in game-time fashion. Fops, many of them have become. Perhaps because it's an indoor game played at night, coaches dress to the nines to coach their 12 players. The NBA even has a dress code for its coaches, in the unlikely event someone such as George Karl might say, "Screw it. I'm going with jeans and a Tommy Bahama shirt tonight, and look, deck shoes with no socks!''
(Dusty Baker, horrified: No socks? Are you crazy?)
Karl, in fact, went with a retro look a few weeks back while coaching his Denver Nuggets. Like his players, he wore a vintage Nuggets jersey from 1975- 76 and thought he might be fined for his temerity.
"I think I've been a little tight lately,'' he said. "It brought me closer to the team.''
No fine was announced -- the Nuggets said the matter was handled internally. Can't have a coach getting closer to his team at the expense of a $2,000 suit that has to be dry-cleaned every time it's worn.
I was watching some hoops game a while back in which the head coach of one team was a well-known wild man, noted for vaulting from his seat at each perceived slight by the officials, waving his arms like a third base coach (in uniform!) bringing home a charging runner, and putting more stress on his suit coat than it was built for.
Before the game was over, the suit coat was split down the back, top to bottom.
That would never happen with a comfortable knit shirt or a go-with-the- flow sweater.
I hope the man's socks escaped unscathed. Socks are important, you know.
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