the prince street rule

This was funny. I didn't make this up; it appeared in the New Haven Advocate.

Dear Dexter: If I'm not remotely old-school, or even particularly a fan of hip-hop, can I wear old-school hip-hop style sneakers without looking like a berk? (A berk is English slang meaning a plonker, a wanker, or, as you say over here, a loser.)

Dear Britisher, The rules for appropriation of hip-hop culture by white people are certainly complex, but I can give you some guidelines to help. For instance, there's what I call the Prince Street Rule. It states that once a hip-hop clothing line opens a store on Prince Street in Manhattan's SoHo district, as Phat Farm did, white people can wear the clothes (Sean John, once it opens its store on Fifth Avenue in midtown, will qualify under the Prince Street Rule). A corollary to the Prince Street Rule is the Hamptons Proviso--also known as the Hilton Sisters Corollary--which states that once a rapper buys or rents a house in the Hamptons, or parties with one or both of the Hilton Sisters, white people are allowed to listen to and make knowing references to his music.

On the shoe issue, the answer, my cricket-watching, crumpet-eating friend, is easier. Most hip-hop shoes are, as you write, simply "old-school." Once upon a time, old Filas or Adidas were simply sneakers. They only became hip-hop in the context of matching tracksuits and big gold jewelry. Now they're hip-hop by virtue of their nostalgic reference to the days of spontaneous breakdancing battles.

They're retro, and white people, according to the Retro Exception, are allowed to wear all things retro. (The Retro Exception was codified in the '90s when it became apparent, after the death of Kurt Cobain, that white culture had exhausted itself and would have to rely on the styles, sounds and vernacular of past eras to keep up the façade of vigor.)

Finally, British people, like really rich people, can get away with pretty much anything in America because we're awed and intimidated by you.