Saturday, December 11, 2004

homer simpson gifts

Shelley Blackmon and her husband, Donald, have a term for bad presents -- "Homer Simpson Gifts."

"He would give Marge a bowling ball with his name on it," says Blackmon. "Something you would buy for someone else but you would use."

Bad Christmas gifts. We've all gotten them. We've all given them. Whether it's the Chia Pet that someone thought was 'so cute' or the exercise video when you're feeling self-conscious about your weight, we've all wanted to wring someone's neck about their gift-giving choices.

When I was in the third grade, I had a teacher that I really liked: Mrs. Hedrick. When Christmas time came around, we passed out presents in class and I was excited to give her my gift, which was picked out by my mother, seeing as I was only 8 and probably would have given her a He-Man doll, Lego bricks or a Care Bear.

My mom is a talented semstress and upholsterer who used to make her gifts back in the day and also sell them for Christmas money. From year to year, she used to make different crafts like refrigerator magnets shaped like butterflies, polo-style shirts and earrings out of this stuff called Friendly Plastic.

That particular year she made lingerie.

I should have seen it coming when she asked me to find out what dress size Mrs. Hedrick was. But I didn't.

You should have seen the expression on everyone in that class's face when after I insited she open her present there at school and she found a slip and panty set inside the wrapped present box.

It was funny as shit thinking back on it, but I can understand why she was embarrassed because I was too. I can't imagine what I'd have done if someone that wasn't Mom or Grandma gave me underwear. nowdays, it would be a little wierd unless I was intimately in love with someone.I vowed from that day on to have a hand in whatever was given in my name.

Even after embarassing mrs. hedrick in 1983, I still have screwed up gift-wise over the years. I wishI had a list before like this one I found at What not to buy

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