How to buy $500 shoes without upsetting your wife

Note from Steve: If you think I'm style-obsessed, you should meet some of my friends at StyleForum and AskAndy. Ambulance Chaser at StyleForum came up with this list, and I thought it was hilarious.

Keep in mind that your friendly neighborhood blogger does own a lot of shoes, but does not own anything as expensive as $500 models. Enjoy.

Ambulance Chaser @ styleforum.com

As a public service announcement, I offer the following Top Ten List of Ways To Buy $500 Shoes Without Upsetting Your Wife. Please note that I am single and live alone, so the list is all theory, no practice. Perhaps some married SF (StyleForum) members can try them out and report back to us.

1. Buy shoes that are sufficiently similar in appearance to shoes you already own so as not to raise suspicion. Make sure that the old shoes and new shoes are never seen together.

2. Sneak shoes into house, and when confronted, explain that they're old shoes that you had sent out to get resoled. Point out how the refurbishing service is so good they were able to get all the creases out as well.

3. Tell wife, "Shoes were really cheap because they're from England. Everybody knows that the expensive stuff is from Italy." Better yet, say, "The shoes were made in Hungary, which is an impoverished, former Eastern Bloc country. They were practically free!"

4. Divide actual price in half and give that figure to wife.

5. Have Johnnynorman's (another SF member) wife call your wife and tell her how beautiful EGs are.

6. Explain that amortized over many years of wear, the price is actually very, very low.

7. Announce in loud voice, "I'm the man of the house, and will spend my money as I damn well please!"

8. With every purchase, buy something from Tiffany's as well.

9. Produce note from podiatrist diagnosing problem with your gait and recommending expensive shoes as only cure.

10. There is no way. Buy shoes while you're still single.