joke week | day 7

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he
said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

joke week | day 6

A man goes into a bar with a flamingo and a cat. He puts them both on the bar, and says "A pint for me, a vodka for the flamingo and the cat will have a whiskey", and they all take their drinks and sit down.

Twenty minutes later the flamingo comes up to the bar, says "same again please, a pint, a vodka and a whiskey", and takes the drinks back to the table.

Twenty minutes later, when they've all finished their drinks the man says "OK cat, your round", and the cat says "No, fuck off, I'm not paying for your drinks". After some discussion, the man goes up to the bar for the third round.

Whilst he's there, the bartender says to him "Listen mate, what's the deal with your flamingo adn your cat? More importantly, what's the cat's problem -- isn't it his round?"

The man says "It's funny you should ask. On my way home last night, I stumbled across an old brass lamp. I picked it up and rubbed it, and lo and behold, a genie came out and offered me one wish as a token of his gratitute for releasing him.

"Yeah?" The barman says, "What did you wish for?"

"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy"

joke week | day 5

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a....HEY let's go ride our bikes!

joke week | day 4

George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o'clock news on TV one evening.

Cheney bets Bush $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump. "I'll take that bet," Bush replied.

A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cheney, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells him that he does not need to pay the $50.

"No, a bet's a bet," Bush replied, "I owe you $50 dollars."

Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, "No, you don't understand, I saw the
3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."

"That's okay," said Bush, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

joke week | day 3

A priest, unable to resist the demon's evil urges, is furiously masturbating in the park when he hears the unmistakable "click" of a camera. He looks up to see a young man grinning at him over the viewfinder of his camera.

"Hey, you've got to sell me that camera," the priest says. "How much do you want for it?"

The photographer, sensing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity replies, "Oh, this is a very, very expensive camera. All the latest features. Let's say $5,000." The priest scoffs at the price, but realizing the position he is in quickly agrees.

Several months later, the priest is fortunate enough to be vacationing in Rome. He has his camera around his neck on a strap, and while walking though a sqaure in the Holy City, is approached by another tourist.

"Hey Father, that is a really nice camera. How much did you pay for it?" asks the tourist.

"Five thousand dollars," replies the priest.

"Oh man," said the tourist. "Somebody must have seen you coming."

joke week | day 2

Wandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, "I'm lonely I'm tired of eating apples by myself."

"Okay," God said, "I'll create a man for you."

Eve said, "A man! What's that?"

"He's a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won't listen very well, he'll get lost easily, but never stop to ask for directions. However, he is big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals. And he'll be fun in bed."

"Sounds great!" said Eve.

"Oh, and one more thing," God said. "He will want to believe that I made HIM first."

joke week | day 1

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."

At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."