love music

When you fall in love, or what I like to call “serious like,” everything that you do and say becomes significant. No, I’m not in love now, and don’t care to be honestly (unless a truly special girl came my way and felt the same), but it’s still on my mind.

Today, I’m reflecting specifically on selected music that loomed in my mind and reminded me of the days when I was in “serious like” with some folks.

“Upside Down” by Diana Ross.
The year was 1981 or thereabout. I was an unhappy kindergartner, forced from my days of playing and watching “The Price is Right” and “Another World” by elementary school. It seemed fun when I used to visit my brother in kindergarten, but we moved the summer before and the school and teacher were different. I hated it. That is, until I met Deanna.

Deanna was beautiful, feisty and elegant (in a toddler kind of way). She had the longest hair and prettiest eyes and I was head over heels for her. We used to play like we were “married” all the time, and were serious about it, too. She turned my world around, and “Upside Down” was our song.

As time went on, it became less serious and I started falling for this other girl named Bridget that was in our class, but I had a really close friendship with Deanna up until middle school. After we hit puberty, she dropped me like a hot potato, but when we see each other out somewhere occasionally as adults, she’s friendly again.

“Hopeless” by Dionne Farris.
It was summer, somewhere in the mid-‘90s. I had just been dumped by one of my college girlfriends and I was kinda sad and lonely. That’s when I met Shanette. Shanette honestly wasn’t my type. I thought she had pretty hair and a pretty face, but she didn’t really show a lot of interest. My cousin was married to her sister, and they thought it would be cute to get us to talk to each other.

So against my better judgment with nothing else going on, I called her. I actually was surprised at how sweet she was at first. We talked for a couple of hours and subsequently went on several dates, nothing real serious, but interesting just the same.

Eventually, we realized we wanted something different than each of us had to offer. She didn’t stimulate my mind; I didn’t stimulate her libido, though I had a fun time trying ;-). I left that relationship hopeless and somewhat dejected, and “Hopeless” was the song that summed up that summer.

“Cosmic Girl” by Jamiroquai.
I’m apparently a sucker for unrequited love. Over the years I’ve had several serious crushes that went nowhere. Either I wasn’t cool enough or there was a boyfriend in our way or our schedules wouldn’t work out. Angie was the ultimate culmination of all three factors rolled into one: my longest deepest crush.

I met her in college in sophomore year. She really didn’t do it for me at first, but she was always so nice and she sat beside me in architecture studio, so we talked all the time. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. What I felt started turning into what I thought was love six months after I met her, but she didn’t budge. She was seeing someone and I just wasn’t the right guy to break that up.

I moved on and talked to other girls, and fell madly in “serious like” with this gorgeous Amazon named Amy who was, in my mind “the perfect woman.” Amy never let me get close to her, then one summer she gained what has to have been 60 pounds and still was distant, so I gave up. I digress; that’s a different story entirely…

Anyway, eventually I was back to Angie, who had had a couple of bad breakups in my absence from “serious like” and I tried to be the guy who caught her fall. We got a little closer, then a little more, although she had met someone else in the interim that was “cooler” and she didn’t let me get as far as I wanted. I still, as always, tried like hell ;-)

After nearly 10 years of trying to make Angie mine, I woke up from weeks of soul searching and decided that this had gone far enough. We had some words, and we agreed that there was something there, but it wasn’t going to be any good for anybody to go any farther. I was never going to be who she wanted, and vice versa.

We’re still very good friends and I love her still; I’m just more realistic about it. She’s my “Cosmic Girl” from another galaxy and I can’t image being without her for very long.

“I Wanna Hear It from You” by Jason and Randy Sklar.
Here’s the elephant in the middle of the room, folks. I was just hanging out here at the blog posting away on whatever earlier this year and I got an email from this girl named Anita. She was into dead malls and I was intrigued. She, again, wasn’t my type physically, but she had a beautiful mind and a wickedly perfect sense of humor and irony. I was hooked.

It’s the oddest relationship I’ve ever had. I never heard her voice, I never touched her, I never even visited her, but somehow we became a part of each other. The internet is spooky like that.

It turned out to be as hopeless as chasing Amy. I could never be to her what she wanted, and vice versa, and at one point when we were fighting, I said some things that really hurt her and she simply stopped emailing. I don’t remember apologizing, and it’s doubtful that it would have been sincere if I did.

I don’t really want her back in my life. I hate to say it, because for all that she was and wasn’t, I loved her, but it was never going to work. That said, I wish her all the luck in the world trying to land the man she wants, even though it’s obviously not me.

I hate “I Wanna Hear It from You” but I’ll always remember what it meant to me over the summer and the person who made it meaningful.