Thursday, June 15, 2006

Are you in a love-hate relationship?

From: "Self-Esteem and Organization of Valenced Information About Others: The Jekyll and Hyde-ing of Relationship Partners," a study by Margaret S. Clark, Yale University, and Steven M. Graham, Carnegie Mellon University.

For a clue, answer these questions:

1. When I'm mad at my partner, I can't think of anything good about him/her. Yes or No

2. Even when my partner does something to hurt me, it is easy to remind myself of his or her positive attributes. Yes or No

3. When my partner hurts me in some way, all positive thoughts about him or her "go out the window." Yes or No

4. I have more than one image or view of my partner. Yes or No

5. Sometimes my partner seems like a saint; sometimes my partner seems rotten. Yes or No

6. From day to day, my views of my partner can shift from primarily good to primarily bad (and vice versa). Yes or No

7. My partner can seem like one person one day and quite a different person on another day. Yes or No

8. My views of my partner are pretty stable minute to minute, day to day, and month to month. Yes or No

9. If you asked me to describe my partner today and then asked again tomorrow, my descriptions would be exactly the same. Yes or No

Answering yes to statements 1, 3, and 5 indicates segregated thinking, which researchers link to lower self-esteem. Answering yes to statements 2 and 4 indicates integrated thinking, which researchers linked to higher self-esteem. Answering yes to statements 6 and 7 indicates instability of partner views over time. Answering yes to statements 8 and 9 indicates stability of partner views over time.


  1. so you're busy? that's okay...!Saturday, June 17, 2006 3:08:00 AM

    I hate you for not responding to these comments. I hate you!!

    I never trusted you, with your youthful good looks, your thoughtful renderings, your supportive comments, your 'so-called' southern background...

    I should have listened to my inner voice; hell, I should have listened to my mother! she always warned me about 'nice guys' like you...

    now I have nothing but a year of lies and betrayal and a lifetime of bitterness to keep me company...

    may you never meet me in a shoe pavilion.........

  2. Patience...I fell asleep this evening. :-)