BBC NewsMen are tired of their portrayal in advertising, according to a new book by Michael Buerk. But images of men behaving stupidly is not the only cliche which irritates writer John Camm.
Dad in muddy boots walking blithely across a kitchen floor just cleaned by an exasperated mum who just gives a frustrated but loving smile to her giggly children, who cry out: "Da-a-ad!".
Just one advertising cliche, and just one where no-one behaves like people really do.
It's the kind of thing which irritates John Camm. "It's tiresome to see male characters in adverts who don't resemble anyone you know," he says. "But what's perhaps worse is the absolute reliance of advertising on its own regurgitated cliches."
He has drawn up a list of seemingly unwritten rules which, he concludes, might as well be the Advertising Bible. Add your views to his list at the foot of the page.
1. Men are obsessed with sex but will forego sex in order to watch football or drink beer.
2. Women are locked in a constant battle with their weight/body shape/hairstyle.
3. Career success is entirely based on your ability to impress your boss.
4. Mums are often harassed but NEVER depressed/unable to cope.
5. Any act of male stupidity (e.g. walking across a clean floor in muddy boots, putting the dog in the dishwasher, etc.) will be met with a wry smile, not genuine annoyance/anger.
6. Married men will flirt with other, younger women but NEVER act upon it.
7. Anyone with a scientific career will have a bad haircut and dreadful clothes.
8. If you work for the emergency services, you are a better person than the general population.
9. Elderly relatives NEVER suffer from senile dementia.
10. Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.
11. Women have jobs they never do in real life, e.g. dockworker (who looks like a model).
12. Children will not eat fruit or vegetables. Ever.
13. Both men and women find driving deeply pleasurable, never boring or stressful.
14. Men are inherently lazy/slobbish; women are the reverse.
15. Chocolate, however, will cause women to immediately fall into the languor of the opium eater.
16. High Street bank staff are (A) friends of the customers, and (B) of slightly above-average attractiveness (only if female).
17. Modern men own a cat.
18. Hot beverages have miraculous rejuvenating effects.
19. Professional people have strangely trivial preoccupations, e.g. a female barrister who is morbidly obsessed with finding a healthy snack bar.
20. All women (except stay-at-home housewives) have interesting and enjoyable careers.
21. Any over-the -counter medical product will work instantly and 100% effectively.
22. Children know more than adults.
23. Women never merely hop in and out of the shower, instead preferring to act out some sort of soapy Dance of the Seven Veils.
24. School is a happy experience for all children.
25. Tortilla chips are the most exciting experience any group of young people can experience.
26. Playing bingo is THE number one pastime among 18-25 year old British women.
27. Shampooing hair leads to spontaneous orgasms in women.
ReplyDelete28. When you have herpes, your days are jam-packed with exciting activities like: playing beach volleyball, flying kites in an idyllic park, rollerblading, mountain biking, and romantic picnics with hot women who don't care that you have a nasty, festering sexually transmitted disease that causes weeping, open wounds on your genitalia.
>>15. Chocolate, however, will cause women to immediately fall into the languor of the opium eater.
ReplyDelete<<
This is one of my most hated. I'm a woman and I can live without having chocolate every single day.
There was one ad that pissed me off, I forgot what it was for, some pop in the microwave meal I think, and the dad was taking care of his 3 perfectly spaced kids, and he does everything wrong, like uses a canister vac to clean cereal crumbs off his baby, does the laundry wrong, etc. Are dads really that stupid?
Chris: Good ones. How about these:
ReplyDelete29. Gospel choirs spontaneously show up when a person enjoys a new product.
30. Gum and/or hair dye automatically turns an undesirable man into a stud.
Anita: I know a lot of women who don't like chocolate, but from being looked afer as a kid and my own experiences with looking after kids, some of the dumb dad stuff isn't far from the truth.
31. If you rip open a box of Totino's Pizza Rolls, Tony Hawk will appear and skateboard with you.
ReplyDelete32. Any male sporting fragrance/body spray will have to stave off women with a club.
33. 65 year old men all over the country are walking around with giant erections boning their wrinkly old wives 5 times a day (thanks, Viagra, Cialis, etc....)
34. The sheer act of inhaling your coffee will revitalize and energize you for the full onslaught of the day's tasks.
35. Women LOVE to cook and clean. (I'm cleaning the litter box, I'm cleaning the litter box! et cetera, ad nauseum...)
A comment on number 33: they have YET to formulate an orgasm/libido pill for women. Seriously, it can't be that damn tough people. I want to walk around horny all day, too you know!
~Carrie =)
Carrie: I'm not sure what the holdup is on the orgasm pill for women. Maybe the pharmaceutical community needs some more women chemists. Or manybe men hadn't realized the inherent advantage of artificially horny women who actually WANT to have sex with them! I know bachelorette parties would never be the same!
ReplyDeleteMaybe that damn body spray (32) I bought would work out for me then! :-)
I remember when I was a kid, I used to be SO disappointed when I drank Kool-Aid because that big, fat Pitcher NEVER burst through my walls singing and dancing.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that my cynical outlook on life has it's roots in the disappointments handed to me by Madision Avenue in the early 80's.
I'm partial to #20. Especially given the number of SAHM's I know who were so grateful when the opportunity to quit their jobs and stay at home with their kids finally presented itself. That's a luxury anymore.
ReplyDeleteThat Kool-Aid pitcher is the pimpin'est coke dealer ever. Reminds be of the bartender at my first job. Everynight was cool-ade night if you had some extra cash..........
Chris: Yeah I always hoped for that too. 'Cause it always seemed so cool and easy to make the Kool-Aid man show up on TV. haha
ReplyDeleteHeather: Yeah, whoever holds the Kool-Aid is the mack/mack-tress of the day. My first babysitter brought me out of my shyness by making popcorn and Kool-Aid evey day that I went over. She was shrewd. She knew I was an addict.
Um, I love bingo...LOVE IT. Its what I do every monday night. I may be the youngest there (being 28 and all) but it is fun watching the elderly swear and be plain mean to each other over a game...
ReplyDeleteLisa, if you dig bingo, that's cool. That's one of the many things that makes the world go 'round. I enjoy a game every once in a while too.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, by the way.